As most of you know, we welcomed our fourth baby boy at the end of June. In today’s post, I just wanted to give you an update on our crazy, but beautiful last few months. Sebastian is an absolute angel. Truly. He wakes up smiling and he goes to sleep smiling. BUT, he’s still nowhere near sleeping through the night. Some nights are better than others, but last night I got about four hours of interrupted sleep. The world is moving in slow motion today.
One recent night, when sleep came in short bursts between multiple feedings, I had a very vivid dream. Paul and I were scrambling trying to get the boys ready to go somewhere. Win and Brasher were charging through the house laughing and playing as I’m begging them to hurry. Paul was chasing after August, who was also yelling, and I was bouncing Sebastian who was screaming louder than all. Funny how realistic this part of the dream sounds...
Then it got weird. I finally calmed Sebastian and laid him on our bed. I walked towards the nursery to grab something and there was ANOTHER baby swinging in the swing. This baby was also screaming because the swing was broken and he was about to fall out. I picked up this baby and thought to myself, “Is this MY baby? I don’t even know it’s name!” Paul walked in, referred to the baby by name, and took him out of my hands. “Wow,” I thought. “I’m a terrible mother. I don’t even know my own baby’s name.” Then I look down and there’s this little girl in a pink tutu at my feet. She’s screaming too and I don’t know her name either! Paul begins soothing her and calling her by name. I just couldn’t believe it. Here’s another baby of mine that I had no idea I even had. I turn towards the door to leave and there’s ONE MORE BABY laying in the crib... it’s crying too.
When I told Paul my dream the following morning he laughed so hard tears filled his eyes. “Kristin, are you feeling ok??” he asked.
Don’t worry, I’m really ok. At least I think I am! While perhaps I am a bit overwhelmed with the transition of having a fourth baby, and many days it seems like my brain is processing at a significant delay, I am still quite focused on two things. One, being diligent about making this transition as easy as possible for our older boys… and two, trying to find our merging roads. If you have no idea what that means, you’ll have to read my last post. Every day Paul and I pray for guidance and clarity. Paul has been sitting out in his “ugly chair” many nights a week and doesn’t go to sleep until after the baby’s first midnight feeding. We want to make we sure are listening, and that we remain exactly where we need to be.
While we have yet to learn what roads are merging, we are confident that our prayers are at least being heard. I keep seeing ugly chairs appear out of nowhere. You know when you’re driving and something catches your eye, but you’ve passed so quickly you’re not sure what you saw? Well, they’re following me. Don’t laugh, it’s true! Sometimes I’ve whipped the car around and gone back to find them. Then there they are, like friendly little reminders to keep listening and spending time in my own ugly chair. The chairs are real… the additional unfamiliar children are not.
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. Jeremiah 33:3
I pray that you too will be followed by ugly chairs. And when you find the one that fits you, that God will speak to you as you sit and listen.
